Things Undone
Yesterday I left my desk,
ignored grocery list,
crabgrass and
rows of bolted spinach
to watch maples leaves
dance.
As the cardinal whistled
and the catbird mewed
and the chipmunk chattered
and the katydid called
and the purple finch waited
while would-be courters flapped wings,
I sat, eyes closed, face tipped
to sun’s warmth and cooling breeze,
breathing in balsam.
Beneath the reservoir’s muddy waters
life stirred in languid motion.
Something broke
the dappled surface
to catch a water boatman,
as sunlight filtered
feathers of pine.
ignored grocery list,
crabgrass and
rows of bolted spinach
to watch maples leaves
dance.
As the cardinal whistled
and the catbird mewed
and the chipmunk chattered
and the katydid called
and the purple finch waited
while would-be courters flapped wings,
I sat, eyes closed, face tipped
to sun’s warmth and cooling breeze,
breathing in balsam.
Beneath the reservoir’s muddy waters
life stirred in languid motion.
Something broke
the dappled surface
to catch a water boatman,
as sunlight filtered
feathers of pine.
posted by Judy at 3:17 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Judy
Very descriptive
I like your second stanza but it is inconclusive. I feel like I need to be brought back to the person telling the story, perhaps, "as sunlight filtered (into my eyes through) feathers of pine)
but really what I want to know is what she's thinking. Is she "ignorant of her empty refridgerator" or "quietly planning her next chore," I think it's important to the story you're telling, which has hidden complexities.
I like the list in the second half of the first stanza. The way each line includes a creature and an "-ed" verb gives a sense of structure to the poem as well as a sense of action/movement/life. I like the line "while would-be courters flapped wings
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